On a Lighter Note

January 28, 2009

Well actually not that light … that is the point.

OK so I may have put on a little weight. I don’t see how. I have formulated a diet based on an extensive use of Google to come up with the diet I was most likely to stick to. And I feel I have, yet it seems not to have worked. Now I have no experience of Weight Watchers or any related schemes, so maybe I am doing something wrong, so if any of you do have and can tell me where I am going wrong I would appreciate it 🙂

The principles I have been adhering to are as follows:

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie related foods (Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.

7. Carrot cake is a vegetable and counts as one of your 5 a day.

8. Cookie pieces contain no fat– the process of breaking causes fat leakage.

9. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.

10. Foods that are frozen have no calories because calories are units of heat. Examples are ice cream, frozen pies, and Popsicles.

11. Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories.
Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate.

NOTE: Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.

Miracle Landing By Super Pilot

January 20, 2009

OK. We all heard about the plane crash where they all walked away last week, right?

Emergency LandingEveryone has rightly praised the pilot for pretty much single handedly saving the lives of all the passengers. However, since then people have been throwing out statistics such as there is only a 2% chance of the plane not breaking up on contact etc …

Am I the only one to notice the implicit challenge in this? There must be blokes everywhere thinking … “I could have done that” … and the worrying thing is a small percentage of them are probably pilots. MSNBC is even giving instructions

I for one will be avoiding air-travel in the near future … at least until the testosterone levels have returned to normal and the pilot is once again deemed to be mortal!