Over the Christmas holidays Mrs Geek’s Gran (Joyce) lost her husband, known to the kids simply as Pat. It was not entirely unexpected, but it was not exactly a drawn out affair either.

It does however introduce the conundrum of where Joyce should now live. She is currently living in Scotland, where Pat’s family are, but none of her children are there and while she is she not exactly incapable of looking after herself, she does require a certain amount of care, and while Pat’s daughter has historically taken much of the load, it seems unreasonable to expect her to continue to do so now that Pat is gone. So on top of loosing her husband, Joyce is now looking at having to up sticks and move back to England.

Now while he was not exactly Mrs Geek’s grandfather as such, to my children he was.

It is hard to describe Pat. I don’t really feel I knew him myself all that well because he was a quiet man that kept himself to himself. For the first 5 years of knowing Mrs Geek, I bet I had only ever got 10 words out of him. Couple this with the fact that they lived in Scotland it was hard to know exactly how the kids would take the news. We actually found out on boxing day, but held off telling them until last weekend as we saw no benefit to spoiling their Christmas.

To be honest they took it as well as could be expected. They were both fairly stoic. I explained that he had been very poorly. But you could see that there were a lot of questions bouncing around in their heads, waiting to be answered.

Bart asked about specifics, what was wrong with him, what had caused it etc.

Lisa even asked if mummy was going to die because she was poorly (Mrs Geek, like almost everyone else I seem to have spoken to, had the bug that was going around this Christmas).

I hate having to break bad news to my kids, but to some extent they seem better emotionally balanced to deal with these things than I am.

I promise to be more up beat on my next post

7 Responses to Pat

  1. tendrils says:


    That’s hard to do. Kids seem to have a sixth sense about them though. Punky always surprises us with his knowledge of death (Especially after last year when we lost my mother-in-law, my uncle, our cat, and then our miscarriage!) Hang in there……and keep talking with the kids. 🙂 That’s how the process.

  2. tendrils says:

    Off the topic here, how do you get that nifty (Did I just use NIFTY in a sentence?!?!?) check box that asks to be notified of followup comments via email?!!?!? I want that!

  3. RC says:

    My sympathies to you and your family. As Tendrils mentioned, kids seem to have a sixth sense.

    When my friends lost their infant son, earlier this year, Little Dude turned to me about a week after it happened and said, “Baby XX bye-bye.”

    We hadn’t said much about the baby passing around him, since it was such a sad subject, and the fact that he picked that baby’s name, and said, “bye-bye,” about him suddenly, seemed a bit more than a coincidence.

    I hope the kids have some good memories, and so do you, even though he was a quiet man. And I hope the transition for Gran, whatever she decides to do, is a smooth one.

  4. ((hugs)) I am sorry for your family’s loss. In my experience, with Princess Belle, more questions come with time. I just answered them simply and honestly as they came up.

  5. Mr Geek says:

    All: Thankyou for your kind wishes, the Kids seem to be coping well,. We have had plenty of questions and I believe I have put to bed any of the big ones.

    Joyce has decided to come down and is staying with their grandparents, which ironically means that they are getting to see far more of her than ever before.

  6. Mr Geek says:

    tendrils: If I was quicker I would have attempted to take credit for having set you up with the check box, but I presume you have seen that WordPress have added it as a standard feature by now 😆

  7. mrsvierkant says:

    My sympathies to you and your family. Take it one day at a time. (((Hugs)))

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