Cauliflower and Mash

No prizes for guessing how my game went today… We got mashed. I really am beginning to wonder if I have already met the boundaries of my talent as a captain, which after 2 weeks does not reflect so well on me. Unfortunately the thing we are lacking most is a little experience. A couple of old heads amongst the young lads would help them to develop. We can but hope.

Not much went right for me today, be it the result to the fact somebody dropped my towel in a puddle while I was in the shower. I did say the other day that not all my posts would be quite so positive. In fact you would have to look quite hard to find somebody quite so self pitying at the moment.

I play prop. For those that are unfamiliar with the technical aspects of rugby, it is the butt ugly one that basically shoves his head into the oppositions face on a far too regular basis. Now obviously with my angelic features, I am an exception to this rule. My opposite number however made up for me and went the extra mile, truly it was a face that even his mother must struggle to love and to be honest I am not sure he will be submitting his PHD thesis any time soon (On reflection I may be a bit bitter). So having grunted and snarled at each other for 30 minutes, my new friend Quasi Modo decides to add injury to insult by head butting my ear … at every scrum.

Alas I had another invulnerability malfunction and as a result I ended the match with a lovely cauliflower ear.


Isn’t she a beauty. For those that are unfamiliar with the concept, a cauliflower is when you ear takes a hit and starts to bleed in between the two surfaces of itself, causing it to turn into a balloon being filled with blood, mmm lovely! So after the match I went to see the club doctor to get him to drain it. This also did not go as I might have hoped. After looking for, and I quote “The biggest needle we have got”, he promptly shoved it in my ear and shoved it around which might have hurt a bit (how do you communicate the sarcasm of that last sentence?) only to be told, “Nah, it isn’t working we will have to squeeze it out”. If by some bizarre coincidence you find yourself in a similar situation, and you hear those words, just stand up and leave. Go and see someone that knows what they are doing because your doctor is a masochist.

Alas this is hindsight talking. I did not walk out, I stayed there while he squeezed and bent the ear that has been causing me the pain. This hurt a bit too (there is that sarcasm again). This would be bad enough if it were not for the fact that the picture above is a shot of my ear after it had been treated. Hence I am currently spending the evening sat in the Emergency Room of my local hospital, while the staff mock me for playing a silly game and bringing it on myself. It is in these moments that you see why the NHS is the envy of the world.

P.S. whilst sitting here, I have learnt the following startling piece advice. Apparently, despite seeing it done on TV, it is defiantly not a good idea to try to punch somebody through the window of their car, when the window is wound up! Who would have thought..? Apparently not the chap sat just in front of me. This guy has to be in practice for a future Darwin award.

One Response to Cauliflower and Mash

  1. […] excuse to avoid effort managed to overcome our logistical difficulties (did I mention my ear! [1] [2] [3] [4]… ok maybe I did), and hit the pavement (as I have pointed out I am rather robust […]

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